


The Day Before the Day

by SkaianRedeemer



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Characters Writing Fanfic, Gen, This Is Incredibly Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-11
Updated: 2012-01-16
Packaged: 2017-10-25 22:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/275752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkaianRedeemer/pseuds/SkaianRedeemer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tomorrow, FOUR FRIENDS stand poised for an ELITE OPPORTUNITY!  Today, they're just trying to fill time.</p><p>(A series of mini-fics written the moment after each B2 kid got their introduction page, consequences or lack of details be damned.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jane

Your name is JANE CROCKER. It just so happens that today, the 10th of November, is INCREDIBLY BORING, HOLY CRAP.

TOMORROW is not going to be boring. TOMORROW is going to be down-right fantastic. But TODAY you have nothing to do but lollygag about your room. You suppose it may be a SCHOOL day, but you just aren't sure. Do you... do you go to school?

Oh, you should probably mention that you have ONGOING CANON AMNESIA. You're told it will clear up over the next few days, with details gradually being revealed. You know. To your mind.

Might as well make the best of it. What will you do?

 **> Jane: Tour Room**

No, you're pretty sure you're not supposed to do that today.

 **> Jane: Indulge in some hysteric fanfiction**

What a coincidence! You LOVE hysteric fanfiction! The kind with mysteries and criminals and dashing women with chainsaws and limited impulse control! You think you have some right here, in fact.

> Dame took a long drag from her hand-rolled cigarette, because it was the 30s and TOBACCO EMPIRES did not yet exist or something. She's not really clear on the details, probably because the details happen in the FUTURE. She looks across to the hardboiled SLUETH OF PROBLEMS and tells him that she has another case. Another case that might be... just up his alley.
> 
> She is sadly interrupted when the stick of dynamite in her mouth threatens to go off and kill them all! She starts juggling about the ROOM. What does she do?

Look at that you just wrote. That is brilliant. You could give up this BAKING thing, if it weren't one of your PASSIONS.

Oh, cool, you remembered something.

 **> Jane: Indulge in some hysterically nervous fanfiction**

Nnnnnno that's private. A girl has to be allowed her imagination.

 **> Jane: Indulge in some hysterically sluething fanfiction**

Well... that's less private. It is CANON, after all.

Actually, in hindsight, you can't remember what you SHIP. In fact, how does shipping even work? You have this vague itch that there might be more than one... type? Why do you think that? ...Nah.

This is turning out to be somewhat disappointing.

 **> Jane: Ask your friends for advice!**

Yes! Your friends! You have lots of those! Like that guy, who does the stuff! Or that girl, with her things! Or that handsome guy, what's-his-name!

Wait, are you sure you have any friends?

You're not entirely sure you even have a pesterquirk. Or a chumhandle. In fact, is that what those are even called?

...Dammit.

 **> Jane: Have Bunnysleuth investigate the case of the missing chumhandle!**

...

 **== >**

Listen friend.

 **== >**

Bunnysleuth only investigates SERIOUS crimes.

 **== >**

And MEMORY THEFT Is the most serious of crimes!

You set up your toys and play with them for like an hour. OH GOD THIS IS SO MUCH FUN.

You sit in the ruin of your bedroom, surrounded by stuffed toys and COMPANY PARAPHENALIA. You are so totally FIFTEEN.

 **> Jane: Perch on your desk and screech like a mongoose.**

...Nah, you're good for the rest of the day. There's a BUNNY on your head. That is the universal sign of preoccupation.

Thanks for the help, though!

It's too bad you'll never hear mysterious voices in your head again, though.

Nope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
> ......
> 
> .........first.
> 
>  
> 
> Oh, like any of you could blame me.
> 
> Okay, so, uh... this was the weirdest fic I've ever written. Suddenly it feels weird to write with characters that don't exist yet. Why is that? Is it because they don't exist yet? That's silly. You're silly.
> 
> EDIT: Apparently I decided to keep going. Don't see why not, gonna keep writing them as they come.


	2. Jake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes I am writing these only after I see the page, with my initial reaction.

Your name is JAKE "The Flame" ENGLISH and you are watching the Star Wars movies for the second time today, on eight separate screens (two for Clone Wars). You are also watching Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes, the Terminator Films, and the entirety of Marvel's relaunched universe, Picture-in-Picture. You could not even contemplate being BORED right now.

 **> Jake: Stand on your head and--**

No! This was a hard-won PRIVILEGE and you are not about to just surrender it. It's films 'till sunset and target practice in the moonlight!

Well, maybe not "hard-won." It may have been handed to you on a bit of a silver platter with some offhand warning about "stress" and "demons" and "everyone you know being locked out of time in combat with a horrendous something something" you honestly having trouble remembering the details, maybe because of the EIGHT TELEVISION SETS THIS IS AMAZING.

 **> Jake: Share your bounty of film with your good friends.**

Well you would, but you're not entirely sure how to go about it. Video chat? Besides, they're probably all more than occupied. Texas is nice and warm right now, maybe he'll be online. You know. Him.

Uh... you think it started with a...

Dash it all, now this isn't a fair display of friendship, is it?

Well, you remember Jane's name. Maybe you should talk to her. You're sure she's perfectly well-occupied but you do tend to gravitate to her from time to time. Having a chance to see her face-to-face with her would be... kinda nice...

Look, can't a gent blush over his internal narration in peace?

 **> Dance the flaminco and puke on--**

Friend, you're going to have to leave.

Besides, you're about to put in the Smurfs. And if MYSTERIOUS VOICES in your head interrupt you during the Smurfs, things are going to come down to some SHITGNARLY FISTICUFFS.

 **== >**

Best day ever.


	3. Lalonde

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter when R___ got her first pesterlog. When things got confusing for D___, what with his autoresponder and all, I decided to wait until they got their proper introduction pages, including hers for a second lap, for what little that matters any more.

Your name is Lalonde and you are so ducking frunk that you don't remember your own first name.

Oh, like this is surprising. Isn't it, Mrs. or Mr. or Miss echoing voice, in your head, that you know is there, no matter what other people shay?

**> Me?**

Yesh you. You know you're there. You know you're up there, whashing me. You. Watsing you.

You've got something to say to you!

**> What is it?**

Listen.

ilu man.

Urm- "you". Right. Because you're u and I'm u and nobody else is u. Fuckin second person bullshhhit.

ulu man. u hate second person, man. Second person is fucked. Second person is Microsoft fucking Bob. Second person is fthnljlghlb.

...

...ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz...

**> Lalonde: Wake up.**

Wha- whazzat? What's going on.

Oh, right.

The drinking.

**> Lalonde: Jump off the high board and do the hula.**

Lishten you.

You are way ahead of this. You have been there, done that, defragged your comp for reasons you can't quite recall but are somehow tied to a computer-related thing that starts tomorrow, and then come back for more.

Speaking of "more," why is your glass empty? You hold it upside down so that a shingle drop falls to the ground. It is a picture of loss and beauty, beauty in loss, desperation in booze. It's you, is what you're saying. You are empty... without more booze. And additional character traits.

**> Lalonde: Admit you have a problem.**

Look, what did you just say about being ahead of you? You know you have a problem!

Your problem is that you have TOO MUSH VODKA. And as you can see, you are _working_ on it. Jeshus.

God you're glad you're fictional.

**> Lalonde: Stop drinking.**

NO. You will NOT. Not drinking means you will unleash THE HANGOVER. It is a mythical beast that lives in the depths of the ocean, feeding on other beasts until it has grown to a massive size. You know of it. If it were unleashed, it would surely kill all the lesser mortals, starting from the bottom and working its way up. It's tidy that way.

Plus, you've been drunk for like, four months so the hangover's gonna last a while. It'll pound on the inside of your skull, beating your brain to a well-earned pulp, while you lash out at those around you. You know it. When you go sober, it will come for you. You will rip out your BEST FRIEND's viscera in a spurt of overpowering RAGE and will paint the walls with her glimmering, miraculous blood as it slicks through your fingers.

Plus, you'll start foreshadowing like a bitch.

**> Lalond--**

SHHH-shshshshshhh! Liiisten. You're the only one you can trust.

The milk is in the pantry.

**> The Milk is in the pantry?**

EXACtly.

**> The milk isn't, say, in the fridge?**

Oh shit, you're not your contact at all! You're one of you! The... the...

Okay, this just isn't working for you. This back and forth thing. Could you just pretend this conversation never happened?

**> Lalonde: Take another drink.**

That's what they want you to do.

**> Everything I say is what they want you to do.**

You--

G--

J--

Oh god, this is going to be a terrible day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the middle of an extended virus problem over here so I think the Microsoft Bob joke was about as much as I can afford to make without screaming invectives at every single modern AV program. Feel free to substitute the hated program of your choice.
> 
> Good god, is it Thursday? Fucking viruses.
> 
> This is for defs cheating a bit but I edited the ending a few hours later, after I was finally clear of hour 40 of virus cleanup work. I did not exactly have time for even a brusque initial edit, is what I'm saying.


	4. UU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just reached 1111 posts in the MSPA forums and thought "hey, we've got a new significant number in this fandom now, don't we?" so I created BONUS NONSENSE. As a result, this is the only page not honestly tied to an introduction page. If you're from THE FUTURE, this was written some time around her second chat appearance, with Jake, and so technically predates her introduction page by, lemme guess here, "a while."

Your name is uranianUmbra and no wait, no it isn't.

Your name is. ...is...

U~U

Wow, you really have nothing. Like... _nothing_. No name, no identity, just a quirk and an off-grey text colour belying... what, exactly? You're not sure what you look like, and you're not entirely sure what you are, either. Are you a Troll? A Human? Something else? You suppose you could be a [Bug](http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread.php?32488-Nestbound!-%28Or-Kaz-and-Rae-s-bugs-come-out-to-play!%29). It would be awesome if you were a Bug. Your chosen symbol seems to represent a half-dozen things at once. Your screen name a handful more. You have... nothing.

It slowly dawns on you that this is incredibly liberating!

You could be anything! You could be a scientist, a doctor, an artist, or warrior! Or you could be an assembly of dopey quirks! The dopiest quirks! Yes, you, uranianUmbra, the world's first alien otaku/masseuse/otherkin/Little Big Planet enthusiast/howitzer mechanic. (Well, okay. You've been on the internet. The world's third, at least). Yes! Until dawn tomorrow, when the man behind the fourth wall sets your personality, update by update, _YOU_

_ARE_

_FREE!_

 

**> UU: Abuse freedom**

...

>   
> 
> 
> _Pickle Inspector began to sweat as Ace Dick began to close the gap between them._
> 
> _"Dick..." he began to whisper. "You are... not watching the mark."_
> 
> _"Sometimes I can't help it, pal," Dick said, barely suggesting that he, too, was beginning to break._ Keep it together, Ace, _he told himself._ This is a professional stakeout! You've gotta resist those urges! _But he must. He must kiss that snout to establish appreciority!_

Look at that thing you just wrote. That is brilliant. You are a WORDSMITH, is what you are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> February 9th Edit: Hahahahaahahaha, UU writing fanfic: best hail mary guess ever.


	5. Roxy

Your name is ROXY LALONDE and good sweet jebus in space heaven you can see your PAIN and it is EVERYWHERE.

**> Roxy: Flip--**

N-n-n-n-n-n-no, voice from a few hours ago. You're not dongi this. *doing The last thing you remember was running out of booze and trying to stave off the hingover by playing SOLSTICE and its oft-forgotten sequel, EQUINOX, and now the entire world looks isometric. Just... just hold the fuck on while you collect yourself.

...No, wait, the world is always isometric. We're col.

*cool

**> Roxy: Rip out your best friend's viscera in a spurt of overpowering rage**

Look, okay, you may - just maybe! - have made up the RAGE thing. It may have been an incredably poor attempt to fill the VOID in your likfe, left by your lack of alcohol, continuing to this moment, and now resulting in your HANGOVER. (*hingover. Got to be consistent.) Oh god the PAIN! It's worse than that time you looked back and found those ill-advised ROM HACKS you crated when you were THIRTEEN. Dear gog, what were you THINKING, with the swastikas and the flying penii and cereal proprietor/diabeties spokesgentlemen WILFORD BRIMLEY standing in for serial baking goods proprietro YOU-KNOW-WHO.

You know.

**> Roxy: Indulge in the classical gaming styles of Quest 64**

Nah, the world's going to end tomorroww. No need to rub salt in it.

**> Roxy: Play with your* kitty  
> *Because of course it is.**

Hey, the footnote clarification joke is your joke, bub. But yeah, that's not a bad idea. You mean the "dimensionally shrambled" type of play, or the "ball of yarn" kind of play?

**> Roxy: Just occupy the Day Before the Day until Di-- is properly introduced.**

Who?

**> That other guy you know.**

Oh, him. You mean Dirk. Dion. Dick? Dino?? PREHAPS IT IS POSISIBLE THAT YOU HAVE MORE THAN TWO MALE FRIENDS did you ever think of that? *PERHPS And what about Dina, Dido, and Dior, your bevy of female friends and hahahaha, no, you can't keep this up. Okay, yeah, you only have a few friends you don't know outside of screen names. It doesn't exactly bother you, since with the rom hacks and all, it's probably best they don't know you either. UU gets it. She is what you like to call PRUTTY SUSPISIOUS but you've got a lot in common.

Plus, anonymity allows you to continue your admiration of your GREAT INTERNUT CRUSH from afar: the mysterious, ever-responsible pipeFan413. SO. DREAMY.

That's right. You said "DRAEMY." You, Ro-Lal, are BRINGING IT BACK.

Oh, right. Your cat. Come on, J, or whatever your name is. We're going to play some HARDXCORE BALLS OF YARN is what we're going to do, until mom gets back. Then, my fuzzy friend, we party hard.

Yes of course there will still be balls of yarn when we party hard.

Don't talk back to me, it's weird.

* * *

AC: :(( < but she's got kitties and voids and puts weird porn things in video games!!  
AC: :33 < *ac is sure she is purrfect for you!*  
CT: D --> This is f00lishness and you know it  
CT: D --> She is a redblooded human, a sweep older than myself, and most importantly, not dead  
AC: :33 < but look at them!  
AC: :33 < that one is like... two kitties in one!  
AC: :33 < two kitties in one, equius!  
CT: D --> That is hardly an attractive factor  
AC: :33 < well if you won't talk with her, maybe ac will!  
AC: :33 < *ac struts away with her tail proud in the air*  
CT: D --> Absol00tely not.  
AC: :33 < or maybe *ac struts away with her rear-facing siamese twin going "tbbbbbbbt"*  
CT: D --> Stop this at once  
CT: D --> Your choice of crude visuals is making me...  
CT: D --> ...confused.  
AC: :(( < ew, she's not going to talk to you when you're sweating like that.  
CT: D --> She is not going to talk to me because I AM A GHOST  
AC: :(( < ...  
CT: D --> ...  
AC: :(( < can we at least play her terrible video game hacks?  
CT: D --> ...Yes  
AC: :33 < yay!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I_ like Quest 64.


	6. Dirk

CT: D --> Human  
CT: D --> My moirail has informed me that I must contact one of you in an attempt at some gesture of friendship  
TT: Really.  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> And after some consideration, she has decided that you, with your robot building and love of pornographic materials might have the most common ground  
TT: You don't say!  
TT: Well, if we've got those in common, I'd say we've got an 85% chance of successful bro-off.  
TT: Or dame-off, as it may be.  
TT: Hit me with it.

Your name is DIRK STRIDER and some sweaty asshole is talking to your GLASSES. You'd look in on it but you're a little preoccupied.

AC: :33 < and then i told him that he can be a purrfectly good ghost and a good person!  
AC: :33 < so is he talking to you?  
TT: Not really.  
AC: >:(( < equius!  
TT: I mean, he's actually talking to my shades.  
TT: Long story.  
TT: So you're a ghost?  
AC: :33 < *ac is the purritiest purrbeast!*  
AC: :33 < *but she is also a ghost yes*  
AC: :33 < *with glowing white eyes!* Ooooo! OoooooOooOO!  
TT: Glowing white eyes, huh?  
TT: Kind of makes you more like a real cat that way.  
AC: :33 < i know! finally someone else gets it! i tried to tell tafuros but he didn't believe me!  
TT: Yeah, I might do some of this myself from time to time.  
AC: :33 < you might?  
TT: Well I dunno.  
TT: I've got the canon amnesia. I'm not sure what I'm like. I've got all kinds of furry crap, though, so I must like it for reals or ironically.  
TT: Also I might be gay, but I won't be able to figure that out until tomorrow either? It's all real complicated.  
TT: *fur reals

Your name is GHOST NEPETA LEIJON and Oh. My. Pawd. He likes hoofbeasts like your moirail, he makes animal puns, and he may or may not actually be capable of liking you, and may equally be completely incapable of liking you. Your sweet spot.

**> Ghost Nepeta: [S] Serenade.**

It may be time... to _love again._

CT: D --> Which is is why it is highly important to ensure proper coolant flow with redundant tubes in combat robots  
TT: You've thought this through, but you're forgetting the crucial matter of realistic body fluid flow.  
TT: Gore and all that freaky jazz.  
TT: If they ain't gettin' sweat in their eyes, are you really fighting a realistic combat robot?  
CT: D --> Sweat?  
CT: D --> Oh my

**> Ghost Equius: [S] Serenade (with Horses).**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Wait, what the hell just happened?
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: Oh Nep, but we knew this could happen, didn't we? You will love again.


End file.
